Friday, March 6, 2015

Shy People Don't Have A Happy Childhood

Some people are born shy. Some are naturally playful and friendly. Some shy people don’t have happy childhood while those who are adventurous often live a childhood life that is full of memories.

However, there are playful and friendly children who grow up to be shy adults while those who are shy as a kid become exactly the opposite. This turn of events may have something to do with the child’s upbringing or social influence while growing up.

People who are shy may tend to feel anxious when attending social events, would find it hard to participate in some group activities, avoid speaking to other people, will always think that other people will never get to like them, or would feel that they can never share something interesting in any group conversation.

Others would feel embarrassed for no reason and would feel out of place all of a sudden.

When in the spotlight, shy people would blush, feel they have “butterflies in their stomach,” feel a rapid heartbeat, their voice goes shaky, their body would tremble, they are sweating all over, and would feel dizzy or have periods of light-headedness.

They would think that everyone in the group is staring at them.

As a reaction, shy people would tend to avoid social situations, make a quick exit from a social event, just stay in the background or just keep quiet so as not to say something uninteresting.

People who have all these symptoms are maybe suffering from a high level of shyness called social anxiety. They often experience these when they are asked to talk or perform in public, are talking to a group of people or persons in authority, or even while eating in public.

Social anxiety can be due to past experiences that refuse to go away, negative thinking or unhelpful thoughts that keep on floating in the minds of the shy people, or if the shy people have parents that are also shy.

But shy adults can do something to overcome their shyness and live a normal life again. 

Here are a few tips to consider.

Challenge negative thinking or unhelpful thoughts. It may be hard to exactly identify the unhelpful thought that causes your shyness but you can do this by going back to the time when you feel anxious while attending a social event. Think what was on your mind during that time.

Recognize the unhelpful thought and challenge it. One unhelpful thought that can cause the shyness feeling is predicting the things that will happen in the social event you are attending. You think that you will stammer even before you arrive in the venue. This would understandably leave you worried so try thinking about this and instead, focus on the reality.

Another unhelpful thought that can make you shy is mind reading. You assume that other people think of you as not a good friend material or not a good conversationalist. 

It is only just your assumption and no real basis. It would help a lot if you avoid thinking non-sense ideas. Instead, think that you are friendly and easy to go along with.

Avoid generalizing. When a presentation went bad, don’t think that your next presentation will also go bad. You can work to make it better the next time, taking a cue from that bad presentation.

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